Monday, July 10, 2017


People change. I started to learn about this reality in my late teenage years (not realising that I am almost 21 years old this year lol). It wasn't easy for me to accept this fact. I keep asking myself why this and that person has changed? Why doesn't this person do what they usually do? Why some people choose not to be as close to me as they were before? Ended up, I started being someone else, someone who I THINK people will like. Hm those days.....

Growing up, I started to realize, in certain cases, we do need to change ourselves. But I prefer using "improving ourselves" or "adapting ourselves". Not just to please others, but to also please ourselves. Do you think you will be happy to go somewhere being your-so-called-self when people around you are not pleased with your presence? Contohnya macam pakai baju renang pergi majlis formal oh too much hyperbolic here. So, even if you wear a swimming suit on your daily basis pun, you still need to change bila nak pergi majlis formal. Does this make sense? hahaha

Anyway, to grow up, to be better, to improve ourselves, we do need to change.

I mean, as I grow up, I stopped waking up all night, just to think why certain people has changed. They may change if they are pleased to do so, I have no right to control everyone and make them the same exact person as they were. Some changes will even make our friendship different, and I need to accept that. I will try to appreciate everyone I have in my life (even though I know I will never be able to please all people), but if they still need to get out of my circle, they may leave. I have no power to control others, I might not be as good to be in their lives, or God might take them away from my life for some better reasons.

People may change, I do change too. I sometimes change upon my gain. I sometimes change upon my loss.  I act differently depends on who I am around. I change for various reasons. and I believe no one have the right to blame me for my change, and I do not have the right to blame anyone for their changes.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

The journey, before the result.

Dunia dan benda benda kerisauan,

There are lots lots lotsssa things you gotta worry about. Nak fikir pasal dunia ni sampai bila tak habis. Same goes to me, I sometimes forgot to enjoy the journey, I think about everything very critically, Mula buat benda tu terus fikir nak dapat the best out of it, and automatically we'll be worried. Macammana kalau kita  tak dapat macam apa yang kita harapkan? Macammana masa depan kita. At the end of the day, all you can do is do your best, doa tawakkal and yakin nanti Allah bagi yang terbaik kat kita. Either it is what we were hopin for or vice versa.

Usaha je. Ni tengah tulis apa ni next week dah final haha okbye. 

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Abah, 3 tahun ;)

So here come that 18th of Feb again. I wonder how time is able to fly so fast yet the pain still remain. It is still here. I wrote about how sudden he left me a few years ago, right after a few month he left, if I'm not mistaken. It has been three years yet I still remember every single thing about you, suara abah, senyum abah, kelakar abah, ketawa abah, marah abah hahaha.

I have never used the chance, through out your life to tell how much I love you kan bah? And I won't have that kind of chance lagi dah throughout my life in here. I regret it. I was too young to understand those things back then and now baru anis perasan yang 17 tahun tu sekejap sangat masa dengan abah. How I wish I am still ableto tell you all these little things, "abah, anis nak balik malaysia." "abah, anis rindu nak make ude masok pedas abah" "abah, anis rindu abah bawak anis gi jale jale" "abah, anis rindu nk dengar cerito zaman mudo mudo abah" Tapi nak buat macam mana dah. Dah hilang dah pun peluang tu. Peluang nak cakap "I love you abah", lepas tu dengar reaksi abah macam mana hehehe. Tapi takpa. Tuhan tak suka kita menyesal kan. That's what makes me move on. Lari pandang depan. Sambil bawak jiwa abah sama sama dalam hati. Sebab Tuhan. Sebab ingat Tuhan. Semua sebab Dia. Kalaulah anis tak letak Tuhan sebagai yang utama, tak tahu lah macam mana dah. One of the things that I used to fear the most has happened. "Tuhan tak letak kita dalam keadaan yang kita tak mampu nak lalui", setiap kali pun, apa jadi pun, I started to learn and understand that phrase even more. Your presence and your absence, dua dua bagi anis pengajaran yang tak putus putus. I always pray and hope that your absence will bring me closer to HIM.

There are times when you wanna leave your memory and start a new life. But there are times when you have no choice, but to drag you memory together into your so-called new life. Everything about you including the pain of losing you is one of the memories that I will never be able to get rid of. Anis akan bawa abah ke mana pun anis pergi. Everywhere I go, bah, my hero and my irreplaceable man ;)

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

First trip : Shenandoah, Virginia.

This was our very first roadtrip together and I tell ya it was one of the most greatest things I've ever done in my life. To be together, rely and believe people you only call as friends and get to grow closer just like a family when you do not even tied by any blood connection. We went hiking in Shenandoah, Virginia and honestly it was tiring like hell but still, to get to see friends waiting and relying on each other will always be one of the sweetest things ever to see in my life. We even sat in the middle of the track tho lel haha.

We planned for a two-day-trip and to just go back on the day after. At that night, we had KFC for our dinner in Shenandoah (I should remember how much I am missing my KFC while living here) you can count how many KFCs that provide halal chicken blergh. While eating, one of us voiced out "weh jom pergi Pennsylvania" we're like "whaaaatttttt tetiba je like a big NO sorryy" then all of sudden everyone was like "hm but it sounds like a good idea. bila lagi ken" then we called the cars' owner since we rented the car just for two or three days and they were like (I forgot what did they respond but things were not easy). But at last, we finally made it to Penssylvania, visiting our friends there. How excited we were oh man! Bestnya tidur dalam kereta ops. Btw sebelum ke Pennsyl tu we sent our friends balik rumah dulu since they have another plan lepastu kitorang patah balik pergi Penssylvania melalui Shenandoah (balik).

So basically from Shenandoah to Alexandria (rumah kami) is a 2-hour trip then Alexandria to Penssylvania is a 4-hour-trip. Kerja gila kan? I never think that it would be possible without these nuts hahahah. Btw Alhamdulillah.

Satu kekurangan pergi roadtrip ni adalah bila kau balik je roadtrip, kau tak boleh nak move on and mentally and physically down for classes mungkin sebab it was my first time jugak kot. Kau akan terbang di awang-awangan in the first week of school lol. I was down like crazy at that time haha lepastu cam serik sikit nak roadtrip masa cuti tengah semester :p