Saturday, February 18, 2017

Abah, 3 tahun ;)

So here come that 18th of Feb again. I wonder how time is able to fly so fast yet the pain still remain. It is still here. I wrote about how sudden he left me a few years ago, right after a few month he left, if I'm not mistaken. It has been three years yet I still remember every single thing about you, suara abah, senyum abah, kelakar abah, ketawa abah, marah abah hahaha.

I have never used the chance, through out your life to tell how much I love you kan bah? And I won't have that kind of chance lagi dah throughout my life in here. I regret it. I was too young to understand those things back then and now baru anis perasan yang 17 tahun tu sekejap sangat masa dengan abah. How I wish I am still ableto tell you all these little things, "abah, anis nak balik malaysia." "abah, anis rindu nak make ude masok pedas abah" "abah, anis rindu abah bawak anis gi jale jale" "abah, anis rindu nk dengar cerito zaman mudo mudo abah" Tapi nak buat macam mana dah. Dah hilang dah pun peluang tu. Peluang nak cakap "I love you abah", lepas tu dengar reaksi abah macam mana hehehe. Tapi takpa. Tuhan tak suka kita menyesal kan. That's what makes me move on. Lari pandang depan. Sambil bawak jiwa abah sama sama dalam hati. Sebab Tuhan. Sebab ingat Tuhan. Semua sebab Dia. Kalaulah anis tak letak Tuhan sebagai yang utama, tak tahu lah macam mana dah. One of the things that I used to fear the most has happened. "Tuhan tak letak kita dalam keadaan yang kita tak mampu nak lalui", setiap kali pun, apa jadi pun, I started to learn and understand that phrase even more. Your presence and your absence, dua dua bagi anis pengajaran yang tak putus putus. I always pray and hope that your absence will bring me closer to HIM.

There are times when you wanna leave your memory and start a new life. But there are times when you have no choice, but to drag you memory together into your so-called new life. Everything about you including the pain of losing you is one of the memories that I will never be able to get rid of. Anis akan bawa abah ke mana pun anis pergi. Everywhere I go, bah, my hero and my irreplaceable man ;)


sofia aziz said...

I'm crying reading this post :( Stay strong ma.

Nur Izzma Hanis Abdul Halim said...

It's okay yaa, semua benda ada hikmah. Be positive and you'll be able to see the good side in everything. Aku cuma kalau boleh nk pesan ko semua ore hok still ada abah to really appreciate them no matter what. Btw thank you yaa, love you ;)